I am away from the show, doing European things. 

But that doesn’t mean I’m not writing about the bachelorette. While away I thought I’d take this as an opportunity to answer some reader’s emails. I hope that tides us over. Never underestimate why our American forefathers risked so much. They risked it for Hulu access. 
Here we go. 

Joe G. from Seattle:

What is the tune that Chad whistles on repeat.

Hi, Joe from Seattle. The tune that Chad whistles on repeat is a coping mechanism for having a tiny wiener. Thanks for asking. 🙂

Susan H. from Edmonds:

Are you jealous of Jordan’s haircut? 

No, Susan. I haven’t used a blow dryer since the ’90s. I’d have no idea how technology has changed the game since then. Also Jordan’s hair looks like a very tall toupee or that he could be controlled by a tiny rat who hides in there and also makes delicious meals. 

Marly A. from Tacoma:

As a reality dater yourself, is foreverlove possible? 

Marly, I was on a dating show (true story. It was called Holidate) and I lost to a guy wearing an Ed hardy t-shirt so I guess I’d say, yes foreverlove is possible if your clothes have bedazzled wings. 

Steve D. From West Seattle:

What happens to the food after the contestants don’t eat it? 

They Five-loaves-and-two-fish that food for all the folks who show up to watch 2 people awkwardly dance at semi private concerts. 

Linda S. From Houston:

Why is the Mansion driveway always wet only it never rains in LA? 

Well Linda I believe God cries where he knows the greatest of the world’s injustices occur. So, not technically rain.

Barack O. From Washington D.C.:

I’ve been to Pennsylvania and it’s not that romantic. 

Well, that’s not really a question Barack but I’ll address it. I think they had to spend more on JoJo’s dresses this year because they seem really bejeweled. You’d think that because they’re revealing around the upper torso area that they’d be cheaper. Less fabric. But you’d be wrong. More cash on dresses means less in the budget for exotic destinations. So, Pittsburgh. 

DDS Jeremy J. From Pawnee:

How come no Asian chicks on this thing? 

Hello Jeremy. Thanks for being ethnically aware. There are no Asian chicks because there is only one woman. Her name is JoJo. I think she’s some kind of Eastern European. It was hard to tell if her mom had an accent or just drank too much wine during last season’s hometowns.

Erin S. From Bellevue:

You recently took some very long flights. Which one of the guys would you least like to sit next to on a plane

Great question, Erin. I feel like sitting next to Luke would be annoying. He seems like the kind of person who would wear headphones and kind of act out the songs he’s hearing with his eyes closed like they are really moving him emotionally. Lot of hand movements and in a plane, space is at a premium. Also, he seems like a bigtime farter. 

And that’s all the time I have this week. I look forward to watching the show soon. We should be at the all important, “I don’t want to do thiiiiis :-(” point pretty soon. 

Don’t for(everlove)get me while I’m gone. 
-g