The Men Tell All

Lights. Camera. Fart noise. It’s the Men Tell All!!!!!!

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It’s also the Men Think It’s a Good Idea to Crash a Girl’s Trip to LA and Get Tix to The Most Female Show in History.

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Since this is kind of a non-show and there might be more people on the stage than reading this blog right now, I’ll paint with a broad brush. Focus on the high(low) points.

Leave it to a show steeped in thousands of candles and roses subtlety, to gently hint at Chad being a villain by putting him in a black suit with black dress shirt and,…dyed-black beard?

Chad is dating Robby and Grant’s ex-girlfriends? Who looks worse in this situation? All of us do.

Saint Nick wins this year’s award for, back row guy who talks way more than he should based on how long he was on the show. He uses an empty threat to call out Chad’s empty threats.

Derrick’s pocket square doesn’t match his shirt. Somebody needs to punch somebody, please. This guy wants bloodshed.

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Evan is a pusher. The audience confirms.

Vinny the barber has ditched the worst hairline in history for what should be the death blow the high side-part. We’ve seen it happen before, when something cool dies because one too many people, or the wrong person picks it up.

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The campaign for Luke as the next bachelor begins. Looking back at the breakup footage, he’s doing his best Chris Isaac. What a wicked game indeed.

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Gosh, that video. Was there anything more titillating in 1991?

1992: Basic Instinct

1993: When David pulled the towel off of Tami.

1994: Johnathan Taylor Thomas in a flannel

1995: Randy Johnson’s sweaty mullet

1996: Kerri Strug limping

1997: Kerri Strug’s cameo on Beverly Hills 90210

1998: Felicity

1999: Y2K

2000: The popular vote

2001: Alan Rickman saying, “Mr. Potter”

2002: The Eye of Sauron

2003: That one documentary on Michael Jackson with the super creepy, life-size dolls

2004: A flip phone

2005: Tom Cruise jumping on a couch

2006: Gay Lance Bass

2007: Leave Brittany alone!!!!

2008: Sarah Palin’s glasses

2009: Paul Blart Mall Cop

2010: BP oil spill in the gulf of mexico. Anything oily is titillating.

2011: Kate Middleton’s lacey sleeves

2012: McKayla Maroney is not impressed

2013: Blurred Lines – Paula Patton was not impressed

2014: John Travolta’s pronunciation of Idina Menzel

2015: Rachel Dolezal’s ethnicity

Man, that was hard.

Back to the show:

One by one the guys thanked JoJo for being amazing. These guys have all the edge of a volleyball.

Chris Harrison gauged the applause for Chase to see if he’d make a good back up bachelor.

Vinny’s mom piped up because that seemed like a good idea.

Bloopers and we’re out!

Everything comes to a head next Monday night. Don’t miss the chance to see how JoJo’s dad’s head does in the sun of Thailand.

I know someone who will for sure be watching.

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