At this point, in this particular season, it’s like we’re standing at the refrigerator the night before a big grocery run. No matter how bad we want it, there’s nothing new in there. No surprises. Menchies night isn’t until Sunday and you can’t double up on the cool treats during bathing suit season.
This is just what you get with an even-tempered, rational, bachelorette. The crazy gets filtered out and we’re left with 3 guys sitting in a hotel room calmly wishing each other well.
Watching this week’s episode is like what a barber thinks every time a guy sits down in the chair.
Jessica: So, what are we gonna do today?
Every Guy: I don’t know, I’m a guy. Give me The Guy.
Jessica: Siiiiiiiigh. Why do you even try, Jessica? This isn’t why you got into barbering. I mean, you got into barbering because smoking pot was more fun than paying attention in World Civ but also it was for the fun and the challenge and the art. You used to paint and damn if you weren’t good. It was just you, your paints, Lightening crashes and old mother cries. The confusion sets in. You had your whole life ahead of you and you didn’t even know it, Jessica. And now what, you’re standing behind one more guy with one more sidepart. When will it end? When did men get so scared? What happened to bangs and a sidespike? Or the Ben Covington middle-part? I would’ve followed him to college too so don’t be mad at Felicity for that. You know what, Jessica, maybe you’re the scared one. Imagine you got what you wanted and some dangerous man walked into the salon, looked at you and simply said, “Thrill me”. Would you have what it takes, would you have the courage, Jessica? Or would you run, just like you run from everything else in your life? Let’s just be honest FOR ONCE because there’s no telling how long any of this will last. Do you really want to spend your days blending a number 3 into a number 4 and maybe taking a quarter inch off the top? What does this guy think will happen if we do that for him? He’s probably just as lost as you are, I mean look at him. Look at him, Jessica. Look at him.
Every Guy: You’re talking out loud.
What else. Rachel’s view of being engaged is like when you miss a bus but you aren’t in any hurry. “Eh, whatever.”
Peter is normal but in the context of this show he’s coming off as either prudish or boring. Hearing Rachel talk to him about engagement is like when the princess is trying to get Bastian to save her world.
Bastian, why don’t you do what you dream?
But I can’t I have to keep my feet on the ground!!!!
Bastian, PLEEEAAAASE!!!!! CALL MY NAME!!!!!!!!
Unlike Bastian, Peter isn’t biting and we’re left to sit on that bench with him and Rachel. None of us knows what to say.
Eric is still endearing, even if he makes Rachel’s family a little nervous. I feel like they look at Eric like a puppy their 8 year old daughter found on a playground. “Can we keep him mom, pleeeeeeaaaaaaase!!!!!”
Bryan is kind of cheesy but relatively harmless. I get the sense Rachel’s sister would kind of grimace if she was left alone to talk to Bryan at a family bbq.
In the end, no matter what happens we’ll probably look at each other and then google when Bachelor’s in Paradise is set to premier.
Next week is the Men Tell All and after that, we’ll get back to biz. Until then, foreverlove each other and foreverforgive my lateness in getting this out. A 10 week old is hard.